What's My Motivation?

Last week when I wrote I mentioned about working with the kids on the half pipe and the fear that seemed to grip me and overwhelm me as it related to dropping in on that half pipe. I told everyone of how I was on my knees at the top of that half pipe holding back tears confessing to God how fearful I was and how much I needed his help in this. What I didn't tell everyone was about the part where my friend Larry and I walked off into the woods so the youth who was with us could not hear what I was saying. Larry and I went to talk about my heart condition, or why I was doing what I was trying to do, and if it was Godly or sinful. So I want to share that here with you, and I want to tell you I am not sure yet of the answer.

You see we know that Paul tells us in the scriptures that he has become all things to all people that he might win some for Christ, and we know that this is good, but when can a good idea become bad. You see I want these kids to think I am cool, I want to have a rapport with them, and the only way I know how is to become one of them. The only way to become one of them is to start skating, and getting better at it. But then I ask myself do I really have to skate, or is this something that I want to do and I am just using them as an excuse. Can I just be with them when they skate, can I just speak their language, do I really have to engage them. Am I really skating because I need to become them, or am I skating because I just want kids to think I am cool. That is a lot of questions, but I think they are questions that need to be asked.

The reason I think we need to ask these questions is so that I can figure out if what I am doing in the name of outreach for the Kingdom is really outreach, or if it is me advancing my own personal agenda and saying that it is for God. Too many times people, myself included, try to advance our own agendas and plans all the while saying that it is God who is leading, and that we are doing it for him. I want to make sure that my heart is right, because at this point everything is on the line, and if my heart is not right then I have no promise from God. However if I am doing it for the right reasons, and my heart is right with him, then God promises that he will be with me as I go through it. So what's my motivation? What's your motivation? Are we building God's Kingdom and purposes, or are we building our egos and empire?